I CHOOSE YOU
I grew up hearing that. I was part of the Pokemon generation, back when there were only three games and they were named after colors. Right now, I’m sitting here thinking how easy my life would be if I could just say that. I choose you. I choose this. I choose that. I’m so indecisive it makes my head spin.
Right now I’m trying to make a decision about what to write for Camp NaNoWriMo which starts in three day. Three measly days. I have a huge range of things I could work on. I could revise. Revise The First Nine, revise Eri’r Konhea, revise Elephant…. Or I could finish something. I could finish the sequel to Childhood, Namida, Dog Days, Rock, Eri’r Puniai…. or I could start something new. Got plenty of stories just sitting in the “not started” folder waiting for me to take them out and give them life. I have so many choices, and I don’t know what I want to do.
Except, somewhere inside of me I do know. I know what I want to work on, and I want to work on Is there an Elephant in the Room?. I haven’t touched that story in over a year now and it’s driving me crazy! Dustin is my voice. He is my baby and I haven’t written from his point of view in far too long. But things are holding me back.
I’ve yet to finish the two prequels. What it more changes? If I never sit down and revise TFN, it’ll never get finished and that’s the first book I plan to publish. And then I think about my friends who want books. One wants Eri’r Puniai. One wants Namida, one wants the sequel to Childhood which for the life of me I can’t name. It’s frustrating because I don’t know what to do. I’m a people pleaser. I like people to be happy.
But at the end of the day I have to realize something: I’m still young, I don’t need to get published tomorrow, I’m not running out of time, and I am allowed to please myself too.
So I’m going to revise Elephant again. I’m going to work with Dustin’s voice. I miss the sassy little dude. If I finish the prequels and learn something in Elephant is wrong, well that’s what a fourth draft is for. But I’m going to write what I want to write next month, even if it means putting other stories to the side. And that’s a good thing to do sometimes. Write what you want to write, not what you have to write.
I don’t choose Pikachu. I choose Elephant.
(P.S. Sorry I’ve been so inconsistent. It’s been a long few weeks for me)